Living on adrenaline.

I amaze myself.

I have never thought of myself as the extremely adventurous type but having gone on all these hikes (rafting, climbing etc.), I can't help but to think how much I have pushed myself, not just physically but mentally as well.

All the hikes I have been on are tough, no doubt about it. The pictures you see are deceiving. That's the thing about pictures, I look back at these pictures and everything in them look so small, so 'normal'; but they definitely aren't. No words can describe how beautiful everything I saw was nor can any of the pictures vividly capture them. I have been left speechless a number of times, gasping at the beauty of what I have seen.

Who would have thought I would actually climb on top of a glacier? Not once but countless of times. Who would have thought I would scale a mountain? Not once but countless of times...

And that's the amazing part. I almost didn't come here (because I only got my VISA approved two days before my flight date) and I would have missed out on all these. Who would have thought that I could come here and be so happy and contented (and be scared shit sometimes)?

Almost all the hikes have been scary, sure, I could have died a number of times; but was it all worth it? Hell yeah. Bryan once said, "If my mum knew what I have been doing, she would have killed me herself." And I completely agree with him. Its not that we don't care about how dangerous the things we do are, its that part of you that wants to push yourself, get over your phobias (I have a fear of height actually) and just do it.

Like the other time in Laughton Glacier, people were saying how crazy we were for going all the way without using ropes and icepicks. We did it wihout any of that 'cept for the clothes on our backs and even an umbrella (for Justin)!

And then there was the seemingly innocent hike to Upper Reid. We had gotten a tad overexcited and wanted to try hiking down to Lower Reid Falls; but we hiked back from the way we came, only after we came to cliffs and deadends.

Not forgetting all my lone hikes up to Upper Dewey and anywhere else, I could have injured myself or got attacked by bears...

And then there was the wrong trail in my Chilkoot hike, the one where we had to scale a freakishly steep climb. All I could think of during all those times were, "I hope I don't die." Honestly... I'm not going to deny that I felt that way. And that kept me going. The thought of never seeing my family again or not waking up the next day, or if I had gotten badly injured, never to stand on my own two feet again, makes me more careful and alert. I have to take care of myself in all the incredible trips I had had.

To reach the destination is one thing but to go through the trip is another. No matter how scary or dangerous the journey has been, the destination never fails to take my breath away. And it has been one journey after the other, week after week. One breathtaking moment after another. And one "I-hope-I-dont'-die-today" thoughts after the other.

I have come to discover that you are only as fearless as you think you are. And fearing for your life doesn't make you any fearless.

It makes sense.